My last newsletter received more positive feedback than anything I’ve written in a long time. It means the world to me that anyone reads my writing. But to experience multiple people reading it and actually being impacted… well that’s just something else. The funny thing is when I wrote it I really felt like I wasn’t sharing anything at all. Like I was just giving this vague update about my life and who will even care. Which led me further down a doubtful spiral into why would anyone read this and what’s the point - should I even come back? Will anyone notice if I don’t?
Self doubt. The perfect parallel to what I’m learning full force in motherhood. And honestly what creative soul doesn’t doubt whether the world wants or needs their work? Because what the world wants most from us comes so naturally that it’s actually insane to not doubt it. Like really think of someone you know that never doubts their expression and try to tell me they aren’t insane.
Trusting in my voice and my unique experience is hard. Again, why would anyone care. Who am I to share this? 4% of my subscribers are paid and that number has dropped to 3% since I started. My newsletter hasn’t actually grown and in no way does it support me. But I don’t share my writing to make a living and I didn’t start this newsletter to prove anything to myself. So why would those metrics even matter? At the end of the day why would I care how many people subscribe paid or free?
More importantly, why would any external metric determine if I should or shouldn’t share my work? Of course the positive reenforcement feels lovely but it’s not why I do it and I certainly would have stopped by now if I depended on it for fuel.
I come from a family full of creatives. It’s actually mind blowing how talented everyone is. And yet, not a single one of them doesn’t doubt what they put out into the world. Sure they’re confident in it, and yes they know they’ll have whatever form of success they crave, but every time before a big leap or execution they wonder if it’s good enough, if anyone will like it or if they’ve just wasted a ton of their time.
How do we know who we are and what we create is valuable? Like what actually makes us believe in our god given talent? Besides repeatedly doing it enough to hear our creative genius more loudly than our doubtful devil. And while we’re at it, how do we keep trusting the nudge to do what we love even when nothing outside of that desire is telling us to keep going?
Writing has always been an outlet for me to see myself. I let the words flow out and see what’s there after the fact. This newsletter has become a space that challenges me to value what I write regardless because there’s something about sticking to a mostly weekly schedule of putting myself out in the world. Even when I take breaks.
Sometimes I feel really good about a piece and no one reads it. Other times I feel confused if it’s worth sharing and majority of my subscribers read it. I’m not sure there’s any way to know what will or won’t work but I am sure sharing is the gift itself. Allowing others into your creation(s) is self expression at its core. I think I understand this more as a mom because watching people experience my greatest creation of all time only affirms it’s the act of sharing what I made that fuels the connection. Not to mention there is no ounce of feedback that could ever make me doubt the greatness that is my own child. Which really helps me see how silly it is to ever wonder if I should withhold the words that come flowing out because if they want to move through me, who am I to stop them?
So maybe this week you’ll let yourself share the thing you love and that you’re oddly good at (even when you sometimes don’t believe it). Share it with your best friend, your cat, or the internet. Whatever level of connection feels good for you right now. Because you deserve to be seen in the ways only your creative expression allow. The world is waiting for your genius.
The key to following through on dairy free living: Cashew Cream
It’s so simple. It’s so versatile. It’s as close to cheese and its creaminess that I can get at home. And it’s made with as little or as many ingredients as your heart desires.
Cashews, soak them or don’t, I don’t care (and I don’t notice a difference)
Water (start with less, add more to get to whatever consistency you desire)
Flavors - salt, garlic, nutritional yeast, lemon, whatever pallet you want to create
If you’re going for a sour cream vibe go heavy on the lemon and nothing else. If you want to replicate a cheddar douse that baby with nutritional yeast. If you’re looking for a topping to pizza go wild with seasonings and a dash of nutritional yeast. You get the idea?
I recently made chicken enchiladas and did cashew cream two ways. First blended with salsa, cilantro, garlic, jalapeño and some seasonings - I mixed that with the chicken and beans and also poured it on top. Second I blended cashews with water, lemon and garlic for a sour cream sort of topping.
All the photos in this newsletter (and most newsletters I write) were taken by my talented husband. One day I’ll make photo books that we can flip through in our old age and marvel in his talents but for now I get to share them on the internet and brag about his skills.
My cousins started a podcast while I was on maternity leave and it’s so good it sometimes single handedly gets me to the gym.
I’m officially “back to work” but work is a lose term over here because I cook and have strategic conversations for a living. None the less Elliot and I are no longer spending all day every day on the couch and he’s just as tired as me.
Saw this video from ibakemistakes on IG and it really resonated - I don’t share a lot of my cooking because the pressure to give a recipe is all too much. I don’t measure anything and developing recipes isn’t something I love to do. So here’s to encouraging myself to share without recipes more because inspiring people to cook with their heart is the point for me.
Needed this. Thank you!! 💙💙💙